Alone
by Depth-of-Deception
Summary: Sakura Kinomoto's 'missions' are over, and now she's just a normal teenager. Feeling abandoned and betrayed by Syaoran Li, she lives her life as a shadow of the person that she once was. What effect will his return have on the 17 year old's life?
1. Chapter 1 Part 1

Does anybody really understand what goes on in the mind of a person? Sakura Kinomoto adamantly believes that it's impossible to know anyones true feelings, even if they've assured you of them a thousand times over. After all, words are just words, and only the extremely naïve put faith into them. 'I love you' means nothing. They are just a spoken reassurance. Empty, void of truth. In her world, love does not exist. If you truly loved somebody, then how could you bring yourself to leave them? This is her reasoning behind her 'hatred' of Syaoran. If he had loved her, he would not have left, and if he hadn't left, everything that had occurred since could have been avoided. At only 16 years old, Sakura can honestly say that she has loved and lost. She can also say that she regrets every minute of that love, as it has left her an empty shell of her former cheerful self.

Chapter One

_**Sakura's Point of View**_

The bell rang for morning class. Maths. This used to be my worst subject. It seems though, that since I found all of the Clow Cards, and had them reincarnate into 'Sakura Cards', I've excelled in most subjects. I suppose that Syaoran moving back to Hong Kong and Yukito and Touya leaving for college also helped me to keep my focus. To be honest, the only person that's still with me is Tomoyo-chan. Even Kero has gone off, to stay with Eriol in England. He and Spinel have decided to make an ongoing game of their 'rivalry'. I don't even talk to my classmates much anymore. I just sit back and watch as they flutter around me, dealing with their ever-frantic lives. While they talk about pointless things, mainly the Spring Dance, I just sit silently, allowing myself a few minutes to read over the algebra question set in front of me.

Occasionally, my mind wanders, and I can't help but think of everything I've been through and managed to overcome. On numerous occasions, I've actually saved others from death, and on occasion, I've very nearly failed. And yet, the one thing to actually break my spirit was the loss of Syaoran. He left last year, without even warning me or saying goodbye. He hasn't even made an attempt to contact me, and the only news of him that I've had is in brief paragraphs of Meilin-chan's letters. And even those have almost stopped entirely… It's as though the carefree cheerful Sakura Kinomoto of Tomoeda, Japan, no longer even exists. What's worse, is that nobody seems to have noticed her slipping away. I'm beginning to feel that if I were to physically disappear also, nobody would notice, let alone actually care. Even Tomoyo is overly occupied now. She's joined so many out of hours clubs that we barely see each other. Apparently, her love of filming Sakura was based around my childishness and liveliness. As that slipped away, so did our bond.

After school, I avoid going home for as long as possible. My dad, Fujitaka, is also away at the minute, and will be for over a month (missing my 17th birthday). So my family currently consists of only me. No dad, no Touya and no Kero-chan. And no matter how much I change, I can't bear to be alone at home. It just makes all of the memories seem more painful. I even miss being called a 'monster'. It seems so odd with the house being completely empty. Usually dad's conferences and such only take days. This time, though, he was invited on a full-scale excavation, and I told him he should go. Swinging on the swings in Penguin Park, I think of all these things, and can't help but smile and look over at the war-wounded King Penguin, who plays a big part in a majority of my memories. It was on this very swing where I sat and cried and told Syaoran of my declaration to Yukito. In hindsight, I'd never felt as safe, or distracted, as I did when he held me that day. I find it odd now that I was truly too oblivious to see how much he meant to me. The teddy that he made still resides in my bedroom, occupying Kero-chan neglected drawer bed. It's not as if he needs it anymore. He's been gone for several months already. Now that there are no longer any 'strange' happenings, my powers and I have become unnecessary and forgotten.

When I finally do drag myself back home, I feel too hollow to even eat. Chances are, if I were to even try, I'd make myself feel ill. All I can bring myself to do is make my way to my bedroom and flop down on the bed. I manage to pull my bear out of the drawer and shake the dust off of him before snuggling down. He must be feeling more neglected than I have been. After what seems like days of lying there, staring at the ceiling, I find the willpower to close my eyes and lull myself into sleep. This hasn't been an easy task over the past year. Honestly, I think I'm afraid to sleep. Dreams are lost to me now, and all I experience are nightmares. Terrorising realities in my subconscious where I'm made to relive the loss of people I care for. In my opinion, it is more than understandable that I tend to not sleep. Unfortunately, there appears to be nothing I can do but try to keep myself occupied and avoid sleep. I suppose eventually, I'll come to terms with things.

**_The nightmare strikes again, and I'm left yelling for those that I love as a bridge crumbles away from beneath them. I scream and scream, but no sound is emitted from my lips. It's as though everything is falling away, and all i can do is stand and watch as I'm left alone in the rubble filled aftermath, silently waiting to disappear. There is nothing i can do. I can't even steer the direction of my own life. Everything is fading, and I'm completely powerless to stop it. I always have been._**


	2. Chapter 1 Part 2

Normal Point of ViewSakura lay on her bed staring up at the cornflower blue ceiling. Tears welled in her eyes as her gaze drifted to the photographs that were pinned across her wall. She really didn't understand, and doubted that she ever would. Why was it that she was so easily forgotten? Wasn't she important to the people that were supposed to love her? She supposed not, else they wouldn't have left her. It had been seven months since her light smile had been echoed in her eyes. Now her face is just a mask. A sad smile painted onto porcelain skin. Finally, allowing the tears to fall, Sakura curled her quilt around herself and nervously allowed sleep to engulf her, knowing that it would only be a matter of time before the nightmares woke her again.

She woke with a start, cheeks covered in dried on salty tears, breathing heavily as she tried to calm herself down. The chill of the breeze through the window had her shivering. Or at least, that's what Sakura told herself. The shivering had absolutely nothing to do with Syaoran's smile as he walked home after kissing her for the (unbeknownst to Sakura) final time… the memory of that was so painful. She'd been 15, almost 16. Syaoran didn't even stay for long enough to celebrate her 16th birthday with her, even though it was only a few days later. She often wondered how different things would have been if he'd kept in touch.

The letterbox clanked as the Kinomoto's mail was put in place. Sakura heard it, but decided to take her time, as it would just be letters for her father anyway. After dressing herself in jeans and a vest top, and thinking of how much she missed Tomoyo's embarrassing outfits, Sakura made breakfast and ate alone. Without bothering to clear up afterwards, she went out to the mailbox. Surprisingly, all she found inside was a stamp-less envelope with the word 'Sakura' printed in the centre. She walked inside, tearing the envelope open curiously. Inside was a single piece of paper with the words 'I'm back, Sakura' scrawled along the middle. She recognised the handwriting immediately and dropped the paper, trying to still herself, as her head seemed to spin wildly…

_Syaoran…_


	3. Chapter 2 Part 1

I'm quite surprised by the fact that I have any reviews. Thanks guys ^_^ I'm sorry I didn't specifiy, but the last 'chapter' that I wrote was actually just a continuation of the first. I'll be marking Chapters via 'Chapter 1', 'Chapter 2', etc. Sorry for the confusion Frowning. It didn't occur to me to say... I hope you all like this chapter so far...**  
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**Chapter Two**

_**Syaoran's Point of View**_

Walking down the all too familiar streets, I can't help but slow my pace so as to recall the amazing things that happened to me over the years in this town. With every step, I regret leaving that little bit more. I couldn't help it. I had to work out my engagement. Meilin was fine with calling it off, but her parents were much more insistent. Now I have no Sakura _and_ no Meilin. Though in truth, I'd rather be alone than with Meilin, as I imagine a marriage without love would be painfully dull, as my heart would never really be in it. Unfortunately, I don't really have much choice anymore. With my father gone, I am to inherit the family company when I turn 18. To do this, I have to marry. Or at least, be promised to someone. That's why I'm back. I refuse to promise myself to anyone other than Sakura. Even though we've been apart for a year, I can't bear the thought of not being with her. I can't believe I was so cowardly that I announced my return via a sentence on a piece of paper. I suppose that was just my cowardice. Secretly, I'd been hoping she'd hear the slam of the letterbox and catch me there. I wonder if she wishes she had now. She probably doesn't. I doubt she'd want to see me at all.

Wonderful. Thunder. My second day back and it's already raining. Maybe it's a warning from the Thunder God. I shouldn't be walking down this street. I should be avoiding this street. But I have to go to see her now, or I might lose my nerve. And that's something I refuse to do. I'm not the embarrassed young boy that I was when Sakura and I first met. I don't stumble over my words anymore. Besides, this is possibly the most important thing that I've ever had to do. If I don't, there might not be any saving me. I will _have _to go through an arranged marriage. I don't think I'd survive that. I think my longing for Sakura would literally kill me.

I see her bedroom light flicker on, signifying that she's home. It takes all of my courage to keep stepping forward. All I want to do is turn heel and run. From reading Meilin's reply letters from Sakura, it's easy to tell that she's changed. I don't think I'm going to be able to stand the hatred I expect to see in her eyes. As I reach the gate, the downpour begins, and I get the eerie feeling again that it's a warning. I quicken my pace again before I really do lose my courage and quickly press the bell before staring at my sodden feet, waiting forever for what feels to me like judgement day.

**_Sakura's Point of View_**

I hear the doorbell ring. I'm kind of surprised. Whoever it is must be insane to be out in this weather. I didn't want to leave the safety of my bedroom, not even to go downstairs. No matter how much I change, my fears remain, and thunderstorms are one of those fears. I walk down the stairs with a death grip on the banister. I reprimand myself, telling myself how stupid this is. There is nothing scary at the door. It's probably just one of Touya's friends, hoping to catch him while he's on break. Maybe he didn't tell anyone that he and Yukito were spending their break in America. The doorbell rings again. I think to yell, but remember that the poor person is stood out there in the pouring rain while I stand here distracted. Rushing to the door, I take a deep breath before opening it, as though I really am expecting some horrid monster to be waiting there for me.

As I open the door, I feel my feet root themselves to the floor in shock. _Syaoran… _He's just standing there, looking down. He's dripping wet, and his hair is hanging in front of his face, obscuring the eyes that I've missed so much. I can't help but stare at him, mouth open like a goldfish. Then I remember that he abandoned me. Left me to face the brutality of the world. I set my jaw and stare at him. I refuse to let him see how much I've missed him. Neither of us speaks. Instead, I stare at him intently as he slowly raises his head to look at me. He's changed so much. I've never seen fear in his amber eyes, and I never expected to see it, but it's there. I wonder what he's afraid of. After staring into my eyes for what seemed like centuries, I saw sadness well in his before he dropped his head to stare at the ground once again. He uttered one word in a weak but heartfelt whisper "Gomen…"

I can't bring myself to speak. Sorry? He's sorry? I honestly don't know what to yell at him for first. I'm pulled out of my rage by a sudden crash of thunder, accompanied by a fork of lightning that seemed amazingly close to home. I screamed as though I was being attacked. I can't help it; it seems to be my natural reaction to these kinds of occurrences.

**_Syaoran's Point of View_**

I was wrong. There's no hatred in her beautiful green eyes. There's nothing in her eyes. The smile has left them, and they look blank and dull. She looks so empty. I can't look at her anymore, so I just stare back down at my feet. Truthfully, when I said I was sorry, I was expecting yelling, crying, anything. The last thing I expected was this nothingness. Suddenly, the thunder started up again. Sakura screamed, and without thinking, I stepped forwards and wrapped my arms around her. After a few minutes, I finally stepped back, realising that I was soaking her. I wouldn't have noticed if she hadn't started shivering.

Sakura avoided my eyes as she walked behind me to shut the front door. It suddenly hit me that she was alone. No doubt Touya was at university, and her father was away, but… my curiosity got the better of me, so I asked. "Sakura, where are Yue and Kerberos?" Sakura didn't speak, just looked at me with those dull eyes. I noticed them beginning to sparkle. They were sparkling with tears. I regretted my question almost immediately. Eventually, she answered. "Kero-chan is with Eriol" she whispered. She then gulped as though she was having difficulty breathing "and Yue-kun is gone".


	4. Chapter 2 Part 2

Sakura took a deep shuddery breath as she prepared herself to explain. For some unknown reason, she wanted to make absolutely sure that Syaoran was aware of what had happened since he'd abandoned her…

------ 11 months ago ------

_Less than a month after Syaoran had left, the man that had been watching from the shadows for months decided that it was safe to confront her. He was sure that this confrontation would be the sweetest yet. This girl, Sakura, was the sweetest yet. So innocent, kind and pure. He would savour destroying that innocence. And it seemed that since the martial arts boy had left, she had become withdrawn and much more vulnerable._

_Sakura had been struck completely by surprise when she was yanked into the alleyway, twisting her ankle in her roller blade. As she readied herself to scream, a rough, calloused hand pressed itself against her mouth, pressing harshly against her as the other hand left her arm and snaked it's way around her waist, forcefully yanking her to face her attacker. The man had tousled black hair, a lecherous grin, and terrifyingly wild blue eyes. He didn't look Japanese at all. It was only when he yanked at her sundress that realisation of his intentions properly registered for Sakura._

_As she struggled, there was a brilliant flash of white light. Yue, she thought with immediate relief. Her guardian had come to save her. She could always count on him. Always.Her winged hero stalked into the alleyway, glaring at the vile man that was currently touching Sakura. The man was violently tugged away from Sakura, and Yue appeared to have lost control of his anger. He was viciously attacking the man. Eventually, the man fell to the floor and stared up at Yue fearfully. Scrambling backwards along the floor, the man reached into his jacket. _

_Sakura screamed before the gunshot even sounded. She then ran to Yue as he crumpled to the floor, completely oblivious to the escape of the sadistic would-be rapist. Yue stared down in shock as the blood spread across his chest, his brilliant white aura dulling. He had never seen a gun before. He felt his strength fading slowly, and made a sudden decision. He was dying, and he knew it. His thoughts travelled to Touya, and the powers that he had given him, sacrificing a part of himself to ensure Yukito's survival. In that minute, Yue knew that he couldn't let Yukito disappear. He was loved too much. By both Touya and Sakura._

_Sakura watched as Yue's dulling aura began to glow a violent purple. His wings burst into a flood of feathers, which ten shattered into small buds of light. His body began to thin, and his hair began to shorten. Only his eyes remained the same, staring at Sakura with an unspoken apology. He was leaving her. Suddenly it dawned on Sakura that he wasn't completely leaving her. He was thrusting his power into maintaining Yukito's human body. The bullet was pushed back out through the wound, and the blood seeped back into Yukito's body. Sakura's head hung as rain began to pour on the both of them._

_Three weeks later, Touya and Sakura sat by Yukito's hospital bed. It seemed to the doctors that he was finally awaking from his 'miraculous' coma. Brother and sister held hands as they watched Yukito open his eyes for the first time in weeks. His eyes fixed immediately on Sakura. "I'm so sorry" he muttered, before falling asleep. In that second, Sakura knew that Yue was gone. Forever. She also knew that he'd sacrificed the last of his power to ensure hers and Touya's happiness. She collapsed against the bed and sobbed until Yukito once again awoke. At least, she mused; one of them was still around… _

----- Present day -----

I stared at her in horror. If I'd been there, Sakura wouldn't have been alone in the first place. I never let her go out alone in the dark. I'd thought it to be too dangerous. This was obviously how Sakura saw it too.

"Why didn't you mention any of this in your letters to Meilin?" I asked.

Tear filled eyes shoot up to meet mine and I saw anger flash in her jade eyes.

"You read my letters?" she looked livid as she said this. I couldn't blame her. Those letters had been a gateway to her soul, and had shown me how much she'd cared for me. "Get out"

For once in my life, I allowed myself to follow an order. She deserved this. She deserved her chance to hate me. God knows, I hate me. Why shouldn't I allow her the same privilege? With this thought in mind, I left without another word, trying to block out the sound of her vulnerable sobs.


	5. Chapter 3 Part 1

Chapter ThreeNormal Point of View

As the sun rose over the small town of Tomoeda, a short auburn haired girl dashed out of the house on her roller blades and headed off as quickly as possible to the public college. Old habits die hard, and Sakura still hadn't mastered leaving the snooze button off of her alarm. For the most part, she wasn't even aware that she'd used it. As a result, she was almost half an hour late to class. If she got too many more lates, the teachers were promising expulsion, not just detentions. Fortunately for her, today she was only rewarded with detention. This, however, turned out to be a disaster in disguise when she found that Syaoran Li was also sentenced to detention. A result of him being late to his class. Sakura would never know that the reason for this was that he'd been following her, to make sure that she was safe. As far as she was aware, she was a game to him.

Since that day at her house, Syaoran hadn't spoken to her. She thanked her lucky stars for that. She had no clue that he was too afraid to speak to her. After all, what did brave, saintly Syaoran have to feel afraid of? Sakura would never know this either. Only Syaoran did. Only Syaoran knew that he hadn't spoken to her out of fear of rejection. Well, repeated rejection. He knew that he might as well be dead to her. He wasn't sorry for reading those letters though. If he hadn't read them, he would be married to Meilin now, and would be all the more miserable because of it. Despite his fear, he was determined to think of a way to show Sakura that she was his saving grace. For all he'd been through since he was 12, it was thoughts of Sakura that had shown him through. And even if he didn't consider himself good enough for Sakura anymore, he knew that no one was. No one could ever be good enough for his angel. Because of this knowledge, he also knew that he loved her more than anyone else ever could, which made him more deserving than anybody. She deserved for someone to love her as much as he did.

Syaoran's Point of View

Detention is torture. Sakura can't even bring herself to look at me. I feel extremely dejected.__I can understand her feelings, but I just want to yell at her. If she let me, I could heal her heart. I know I could, as she once healed mine. Instead, she's making herself suffer when she needn't. Thinking this through, even I can see how selfish I'm being. Trying to cover my own selfishness with reasoning as to how it benefits Sakura… I suppose its denial, to an extent. I can't help but laugh aloud at my own musings. It's quite typical of me to twist situations so that they suit me. My laughter outburst seems to have attracted Sakura's attention. She looks at me, bemused. It makes me feel somewhat uncomfortable. Especially considering there are three other people in the room, watching Sakura staring at me and me looking back with a sardonic smile.

When the lecturer finally allowed us to leave detention, I heard wheels behind me. I stopped walking in hopes that it would be Sakura. Although I'd been hopeful, it surprised me that it was actually her. She lives in the other direction. Was she looking for me? I doubted it, but when her arm latched onto mine to slow herself down, I was ecstatic. Although the contact was brief, it was still contact and not accidental either. She uses my arm to swing herself around. She stares at me while skating backwards.

"Why were you laughing in detention?"

Ah, so I'd made her curious. I should've known. There are some things about her that just won't change. I decided that I'd answer her honestly. She did deserve it, after all.

"I was just thinking about how selfish I was. The irony struck me as funny. I came back here to win you back, not really taking into consideration just how much my leaving, and my returning would effect you. I thought you'd actually want me to come back. Mainly just because if it had been you that left, I'd want you to come back," I sighed and smirked at the dumbstruck expression she sported. She was probably expecting me to act nonchalantly, the way I always used to.

Sakura's Point of View

I don't think he's ever answered any of my questions so fully and honestly. I was caught off guard by his answer, as really, I'd just wanted an excuse to talk to him without him seeing my real motives. In my shock over his words, I reverted back to my clumsy self, and accidentally tripped over my roller blade brake. I tried to shield the back of my head with my hands, hoping that I wouldn't bash it against the floor. In his absence, I'd forgotten how fast Syaoran was, and was mildly confused when my body didn't make contact with concrete. Instead, all too familiar arms steadied me. He was so close. I couldn't help but shudder. Looking hurt, Syaoran pulled away. He must have thought I shuddered because he was close. Well, I did, but not because it was bad. Despite what I've been through, I can't help but feel guilty seeing the hurt expression that I'd caused. His amber eyes seemed to swim with hurt, and I couldn't help but look away. Even though I 'hated' him, I couldn't bare to see the pain in his eyes.

In my cowardice, I turned tail and skated as fast as I could around the corner, not even taking into consideration that home wasn't that way. After turning, I stopped and went back to the corner, to see what Syaoran was doing. He wasn't walking anymore. Instead, he was leaning against a garden wall with his face in his hands. After looking for long enough, I even noticed that his shoulders were shaking. He was crying. I'd never seen him cry. He didn't like to allow people to see his weaknesses, but by the looks of his violently heaving shoulders, I could tell that if I were to go back, I'd be able to hear him sobbing. My heart constricted and I just wanted to go back and hug him, the way he had for me so many times when we were younger. Remembering everything I was put through while he was gone, I steeled myself and continued skating, taking the long route home.


	6. Chapter 3 Part 2

_**Syaoran's Point of View**_

I haven't cried in all the time that Sakura and I have been apart, but when she runs from me, as if _disgusted_, my heart seems to fall apart. A dam breaks, and tears spill down my face more rapidly than ever before. She doesn't just hate me, she finds me repulsive. It's my own fault. Physically, I'm such a strong person. Why is it that my nature is so cowardly? We'd been together for 3 years, and I just walked out of her life. Who am I to presume I can just walk straight back in? I've made the decision to return to Hong Kong. I'll explain to Sakura why I left, and then I'll leave her in peace. I would say that the company can go to hell, but it's my mother's world, and our family's legacy. Life with Meilin will probably be torturous for me, despite the fact that she still loves me as much as she ever did. She deserves someone that will love her back, but she has as little choice in the matter as I do.

My heaving sobs finally subside as I begin to walk again. I'll stay in Tomoeda for a few more days, if only to give myself time to compose myself before confronting Sakura. I wonder if she'll hate me more for leaving when she knows why I did it in the first place. I suppose it doesn't really matter. In no more than a week, she'll be free of me.

Sakura's Point of View

When I get home, I sit at my desk, thinking of how much Syaoran is hurting. It must be a lot. He was crying. That isn't a regular occurrence for him. And I'm sure body racking sobs are a first. It isn't until I have time to think that I see how much pain he's in. I haven't even asked why he left. He may have had a really good reason. Instead, I've ignored his apologies, brushed off his confession, and not even given him a chance to explain himself. He must care for me. If he didn't, he wouldn't have read my letters in the first place. If he didn't, he wouldn't be here to 'win me back'.

Submerged in my guilt, the sound of the doorbell doesn't register straight away. After I've processed the origin of the sound, I lunge downstairs in the hopes that it will be Syaoran. I can forgive him for leaving me. I know that now. How can I not forgive him, when I'm still in love with him? I answer the door grinning like a fool. Even though it isn't Syaoran, my smile broadens…

"Sakura-chan is smiling again. Let me find my camcorder"

I drag Tomoyo through the door and begin reciting everything that has happened over the past few days. It's been months since I have spoken to Tomoyo.


End file.
